It’s funny how certain experiences can completely shift your view on life. In the past year I had two such moments.
The first was the passing of both my parents last Fall. While preparing their eulogy it hit me in a new way just how much they had given me: my very existence, basic necessities, and consistent love. But I especially saw how I inherited some of their qualities that contribute to my executive coaching.
My Mom was a teacher who saw and encouraged your potential but wouldn’t let you off the hook until you fulfilled it. Dad was a focused listener who found joy in helping and counseling others.
My parents, Lou and Selma Cafarchio
The second experience was when I visited the homeland of my father’s parents in Matera, Italy this past May. I visited the actual house where my grandmother’s family lived, and walked the same ancient streets where they lived out daily life. I never met them (they both passed before my father was 16 years old), but this visit helped me to see them as real people who made courageous choices and not just historical names.
The whole experience was deeply moving, and I felt “connected” in a way I never had before. Not just to my grandparents but to a whole lineage of the people who came before them, and for my own descendants who will come after me.
Matera, Italy at night
Both of these events led to a profound shift in the way I view life: from a sprint to a relay. I used to see my life more as an individual running a dash. My birth into this world was like bursting out of the starting blocks - my beginning. And then running hard and fast until I cross the finish line of my death. That perspective was about me trying my very best to accomplish a personal win in a limited time.
I think this is largely the view that modern American culture grooms us for: Individual achievement. A beginning and an end during my lifespan. And there’s a lot of good in that. The Sprint mentality isn’t wrong… it’s just incomplete.
I now see my life as just one leg of a long relay race. The people who ran before me gained ground, sacrificed, did their best, and then handed all of their momentum and progress off to me. I did not start from zero. And my finish line isn’t crossing the tape at the end of the race - it’s about me handing the baton off to future generations. It’s one race that belongs to all of us.
This is a healthy humbling, and helps me see that I’m not the center of the universe. My life is part of a larger story, and I’m only one chapter in it. The same goes for all of us. But we can miss it if we don’t make the effort to ponder.
Whether it’s your family, work environment, or greater community, why not take some time to thank those who gave you your start? Honor them somehow. And yes, they aren’t perfect and most likely also handed you some problem you’ve had to deal with. Honor them anyway.
And if you’re not already, start investing in the next generation. How about mentoring them, giving away some of your great ideas and your unrealized projects, or just simply encouraging them in their exceptional qualities.
After all, it’s not about you finishing your sprint. You’re just one leg of a long relay race.
